Men, Your Seat Is Ready

Gentlemen, the anti-rape conversation is not a ladies-only chama.

Your chair has been waiting.

There is tea.

There are uncomfortable questions.

Please enter.

Prayer for the Departed is inspired by the true story of JMM, a 14-year-old girl who was raped.

According to the film’s campaign record and contemporary press coverage, she later sought an unsafe abortion, suffered serious complications and was denied life-saving care in public facilities.

She died after years of illness.

Every part of that story demands institutional accountability.

It also demands a direct conversation with men.

Not only fathers.

Not only police officers, doctors, politicians or activists.

Men.

All categories.

The popular response to violence against girls is for men to announce, “As a father of daughters…”

Fine.

Your daughters deserve protection.

But women should not need to be related to you before their humanity becomes visible.

Try this revolutionary concept: oppose sexual violence because people are people.

Also, “protecting women” cannot mean policing where they go, what they wear and when they return home while remaining silent around predatory men.

That is not protection.

That is giving women a curfew because some men refuse to develop character.

The harder work happens among men.

It happens when a friend makes a rape joke and the room does not reward him with laughter.

It happens when somebody boasts about pursuing a girl who repeatedly said no.

It happens when a colleague uses power to pressure younger women and everybody describes him as “just being himself.”

Perhaps himself needs a disciplinary meeting.

Men often know which men make women uncomfortable.

They know the friend who cannot accept rejection.

They know the uncle nobody leaves alone with girls.

They know the employer who exchanges opportunities for attention.

And yet silence arrives dressed as loyalty.

“I do not want to destroy his reputation.”

Interesting.

His behaviour apparently received no such concern.

P4D asks audiences to look at the consequences of all the moments before a tragedy becomes public.

What warning was ignored?

Who remained quiet?

Who had enough influence to interrupt the danger but chose comfort?

Men have influence in spaces women may never enter: private group chats, boys’ schools, sports teams, workplaces, drinking tables and friendships.

Use it.

Challenge the joke.

Question the story that makes the woman responsible for a man’s choices.

Teach boys that consent is not a puzzle women create for entertainment.

Believe survivors without immediately opening a private investigation into their personality.

And stop praising men for basic decency as though not committing violence deserves a national holiday.

The film’s campaign record includes a call made at its premiere for more men to stand against rape.

That call remains painfully current.

Standing against rape does not mean posting one message during an awareness week.

It means becoming consistently inconvenient to cultures that protect harm.

It means checking your friends.

Listening without taking over.

Supporting survivor-centred organisations.

Learning credible referral information.

Voting with these issues in mind.

Raising sons who understand that respect is not a favour.

It also means watching stories that may expose gaps in your own thinking.

Watch Prayer for the Departed with other men.

Bring the boys’ club, colleagues, teammates, brothers and cousins.

Afterward, resist the temptation to hold a powerful discussion where everyone condemns “society” and nobody mentions themselves.

Ask:

What behaviour have we laughed at?

What warning signs have we excused?

Which conversations are we avoiding because they might make a friend uncomfortable?

Then choose one change.

The anti-rape conversation has reserved your seat.

Please stop standing outside telling women how they should run the meeting.

Sit down.

Listen.

Then get to work.

Watch Prayer for the Departed on Xhale Africa Films.